Emotions are crazy things. They show us, so often, how we really are not the ones in control of anything. How we are really along for the ride of life and not at the steering wheel.
To be honest, that knowledge itself hits the first domino of emotion in me that ends up toppling the whole row. Uncertainty tips into fear, which knocks down anxiety, which smacks into agitation, which hits anger and then I snap and everyone wonders what just happened.
As an independent, self-sufficient culture, we suppress emotion. Even Christian culture in America has taught us to not display the depth of emotion we feel. That self-control looks like never getting angry and faith means we never feel afraid. And heaven forbid we grieve over anything longer than a month or two.
But the Bible tackles emotion head on and that makes me ask what God thinks about it? Why did he create this intense emotive ability within us if we are only supposed to cram those big feelings back down inside ourselves?
Reading the book The Cry of the Soul by Dr. Dan Allende and Dr. Tremper Longman clarified so much of my confusion about emotions. Using the Psalms as their guide, the authors explore how our emotions show us what is really going on in and around us and turn us toward God.
I spent several months with this book, underlining what stood out to me and then going back and journaling through my revelations.
For example, since I was a child, I’ve had a temper like a firecracker – exploding without notice over small things. And I came to realize through this book that “The core of unrighteous anger is a hatred of vulnerability and a love of control.” God doesn’t always make everything fair in my life, and getting angry over those things gives me freedom from “trusting a God who does not comply with our deepest desires.”
Anger, Tremper and Longman suggest, should make us stop and wait, rather than jump into action. “Anger is the catalyst that stirs us into battle. Most of the battles that anger will draw us into fighting are not worthy of our blood.” In our anger, we should turn to God and truly feel the depth of that emotion toward God himself – ask him the questions that are making us want to explode and wait to see how he responds. They list personal, practical questions for soul-searching. And expose the true roots of our emotions.
For so long, I silenced all my feelings, because I couldn’t handle how big they were. But I discovered that as I suppressed my fear and anger and hurt, my delight and joy left, too. I couldn’t feel the light in life anymore and it was too much darkness to keep going.
The Cry of the Soul taught me the need to sit with my feelings and really feel them, rather than covering them up. God invites us to do that. He’s big enough to take our questions and he’s the only one who can ultimately help us move past out of the pain and fear.
This book isn’t one you can read in a weekend. It’s one to steep in, journal through, and revisit over and over as you retrain your heart to feel again.