It doesn’t take much to hurt a preteen girl in a way that sticks for a long time. At that age you just want to please people and to fit in. Recently God showed me that some fears I wrestle with come from wounds I received as a girl. As I’ve been digging deep I’ve realized that I was deeply hurt because of my hunger to please people.

In spite of my family’s love and affirmation, as well as many good friendships I had, I always wanted to fit in with everybody and was really frustrated when I didn’t.

Once in choir an upperclassman suggested to the director that my friend sing with the older sopranos, leaving me out. Jealousy ate me up and even though I prayed, begging God to help me live out 1 Corinthians 13: “Love does not envy or boast…it is not irritable or resentful,” it still hurt.

Another time at camp a girl in my cabin labeled me “Farm Girl” and made fun of my clothes. That same week I really clashed with a popular girl on my team.

A bit later, someone in my friend circle made a sharp comment about how perfect I always looked and acted. 15 years later it still comes back to bug me.

Once I was called “Goodie-two-shoes” by someone in a group of people I yearned to fit in with.

To someone who loves making people happy and having a circle of friends as big as a neighborhood, those incidents shaped my view of myself and of my life. Being put-together in any way felt like something to be ashamed of. Not being chosen made me feel like I didn’t have much to offer. Not fitting in made me feel that it wasn’t worth it to appreciate who God made me to be.

I didn’t realize this at the time. But as God has uncovered layers of my flesh and showed me attitudes and thoughts that don’t line up with his word, I understand that I’ve let these wounds dictate what I believe to be true.

God’s people spent so much of their time worshiping idols rather than their true God. We each worship our idols as well. My most persistent idol has been the opinion of others.

It’s taken years to uproot these seeds of untruth the enemy planted in my heart as a girl. The Spirit of God is faithfully revealing his truth to change me and release my heart.